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Are YOU the Reason for Your Failure?

9 Most Common Lies which People Tell to Themselves

by Prabbal Frank | Version 1.0
Category: Self Skills, Personal Management
Level: Advanced

Many animals engage in deception, or deliberately misleading others, but only humans are wired to deceive both themselves and others. Well some call it an awesome gift from God as little self deception is necessary for achievement. They are the ones who believe in the dictum – fake it till you make it. Leading them in the year 2009 is President Obama with his rhetoric, “Yes I can.”

It is a real shocker to see performers at shows like Indian Idol and Nach Baliye show utter surprise when they are rightfully send back by the judges because of lack of necessary skills in the initital rounds. Probably they carry a false self-image. May be their lies to themselves is based on the inaccurate feedback which other people might have given them or it may be just overconfidence (self perception bias), but whatever the reason might be, it is a pity that they carry such wrong impressions about themselves.

Self deception, as glamorous as it may sound, is a double edged sword, with its other edge – the troublesome one – probably being sharper. Lies told to self keep us from taking required action, astray us are self-defeating. They block our way to success.

9 Most Common Lies Which People Tell to Themselves

1. It's who you know

You will find people telling that it is very important to have a network of your own. You should be well connected to people in position to make your way ahead in this frenetic life. But the truth is that it is what you do will get you success. Who you know can and will matter only if you do something. Who you know is nothing but a lie, what you do with who you know is the important thing.

2. There's something wrong with me

Failure and success keep tossing in the wheel of time. Everytime one fails, it is not necessary that she was solely responsible to it. When people fail they either ascribe external causes for their failure or internal causes. The first ones would say that the situations got out of control while the second one would put it as, “It was due to my own shortcomings.” But saying something as, “I am a total failure” would be just lying to oneself and finding an easy way out. It does not help one to rebounce and win. And even if one is not good at a particular task or could not achieve a specific target that does not make him a failure.

3. I'd love to do that but I don't have time

There are some limitations under which humans live and one of it is time. There is never enough of it with anyone. People who succeed have somehow someway managed to find time for the things that they loved to do. So it is not lack of time but a lack of commitment. When a person’s enthusiasm outgrows the bounds of laziness, when his desire flares above the walls of procrastination, one will find lots of time to devote to his new found love. The key word in life is prioritizing and focusing on the things you love to do.

4. Winning lottery would solve everything

If only my business was a big venture would I have really enjoyed the blessings of life. How many times we have heard people think and say things like these. Well, quality of life is determined by internal happiness and your external circumstances just support it. Money can buy many things but it cannot buy you happiness. If one is earning enough to feed himself and his family and still sees money as an impediment to his happiness then he is grossly lying to himself.

5. I worry because I care

People are slaves of habits and worry is one of them. It is not that care brings worry. It is inaction that brings worry. Showing worry to the cared one is of no consequence to him. Worry just provides a comfortable guise to inaction.

6. I can’t do anything about it

Psychologist’s have found that helplessness, like other things can be learned. A person who has learned helplessness believes that he has absolutely no control over his circumstances. It feels as if circumstances have thrown cold water on the burning flames of passion of his spirit. One of the greatest discoveries of the nineteenth century has been that the humans have the power to alter their destinies. So people should not blindly follow the dictates of circumstance. They should make their presence felt by creating a difference.

7. I'm too old for that

Age definitely restricts your ability for physical activity, however, in most cases it is not an impediment. It is a person’s sense of purpose which gives him energy to surge ahead on a chosen path. It’s never too late to start on a journey you want to tread.

8. That's just the way I am

People are changing every time every second. You were not the same as you are a year ago. Your experience is constantly changing you. Biologists say that every seven years, each cell of our body gets replaced. Saying I am just this way is just turning a blind eye towards one’s shortcomings. This the best possible way of restraining self growth.

9. Longer habits are hard to break

Actually habits are noting but actions repeated over and over again. So they are a pattern our body or mind is accustomed to follow. Even not so long habits are also long enough to make our body accustomed to them. Therefore, what matters is not how long has one followed a habit but how much motivated and willing he is to change it. Humble beginnings lead to great destinations.

People lie to themselves because they want to conform to their self image they carry. They create positive illusions to cordon off negative information when threatened by adversity. Every lie we tell to ourselves is based on fear. It is based on the fear of uncertainty, the fear of the unknown, the fear of taking a stand, fear of disapproval and fear of failure.

The truth is that we are powerful, we can fight back, and we can take our lives into our own hands. One of the greatest discoveries of the nineteenth century has been that the humans have the power to alter their own destinies. Power grows in us the moment a future dream transforms into present day action. People are discovering the greater power inside them. They are learning the limitless potential that they have. They are learning the power of being honest to themselves, the power of commitment and the power of self-belief. They are learning to stop lying to themselves.

Stop murdering your own future and be honest with yourself.

About the Author

The writer is an author and an acknowledged soft skills trainer. He can be reached at prabbal.frank@gmail.com for any comments.